You did everything as a family, now where do you go and what do you do while the majority of your friends are out on their family days? I think about how I drove my family apart. The councilor suggested that I pay a visit to my gynecologist to get things checked out. My youngest is only five. He is trying to get your attention before he completely gives up. since my 18 year old daughter has said she knew about these affairs as her friends had seen her mum out with other men she had asked her about this and been shouted down and told she was wrong the hurt she has caused is unforgiveable , as for the hurt to me I could not give a s*** but our kids I will never forgive moral off this is if you want out tell them take a chance the other one will want you dont lie dont cheat be honest and people will respect you , lie. My Dad is strong, and my Mother is even stronger. The taint of desperation lingers at my heals and I fight to be encouraging to two son who have lied to and thrown away as I have like trash. Hi John, dear lord. Getting in touch with a professional relationship coach is one of the best things you can do in order to start taking care of yourself and living a fulfilling and happy life. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better? Good luck to you all..Ive learnt in the last month..love yourself, think positive and ask for help when you need. Whether you broke up with them or they broke up with you, a breakup can leave you feeling heartbroken. That discovery changed my fragile mind even more it made my psychically ill and my immediate thought was that I had caused so much angst with this lovely woman that she changed her values and that that PAIN is what really kills me. My bf of 4 years we lived together pretty much the whole time with my now 6 yr old son 2 when he met him. My cousins came with wine and food almost every weekend after the break-up. How are you feeling today? Im at stay at home mom and he took all our money maxed out my personal credit card and I dont know what to do. I just want some kind of advice i feel like there is no reason to live anymore Get pleasable. He often jokes about leaving his wife. Her husband left her too because he has another woman. I worker steady nights for 27 years. Thats were the acceptance came into play . This order is supposed to save lives not ruin them. A year goes by with random visits whenever she felt like having a full on break which was always on the weekends when she could go out and party. The whole time that she was awake she was on her Kindle playing Trivia and conversing with men. Im devastated. We both love our children and our siblings and dont want to hurt them more than we already have. He said he dnt wanna b wid her or even me right now. I respect her decision, but there is a lot of envy there. So because he wanted to embark on a full sexual relationship with his affair partner, he left the very next day and moved to a different city. I know it sounds like a hard thing to hear, but sometimes when people get divorced their whole lives change. You are going through a wife abandonment situation when your husband suddenly leaves; without notice, without discussion, he's just gone. Her friends, family and coworkers all pushed her. But if you cannot have her sort what you want with the kids and remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can so you can focus on your kids and studies. He is worried about more his material things than me or our marriage. It's Over. We would sit up and chat for a couple hours and then I would head home, do it all over again the next day. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. You actually grow new neurological pathways for pain. I dont want to go on with life feeling like I do. Sometimes, experiences that create lifestyle overhauls can put new, unexpected strain on relationships. Its natural to feel that way. She never calls, answers and doesnt text back at all. Listen Im going thru the same thing bro.fiance left me for her young boss..we have a 2 year old daughter and I went from having our own apartment to me moving back with my mother and starting over and shes still dealing with him for the past 4months now. Cleaned up cooked her and the kids dinner and then put them to bed. Like being inside of Hitlers mind. I have no answers.she wont tell me why she left.the only thing she will say is file for divorce. The whole that used to be my heart was devastated. I found out last week that she was in a relationship with another man for several months. Hello! Everything says I will be ok. If a man is wondering, looking, you can almost bet he is cheating. Needless to say that this same man left and is livng with someone else (who I believe is his ex). 2015 he wanted to return but i was afraid to living together so i left him out there. !! To make things better. ..I thought it was the alcohol but hes not drank now for 3wks and hes gotten worse! Do not let them win. Found a great new home development where he knew the builder and was talking with the builder about the possibility of a few lots that would become available. I totally know what you mean. I would get upset but he insisted there was nothing wrong with it. I took this announcement very badly and as I had already opened up all that shit in my mind re the abuse, neglect, etc I had a breakdown and two days later I woke up to my 3-year old self holding onto an exacto blade knife in one hand and my penis in the other as I was attempting to cut that part off of me. They gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing. I caught her in an affair with a coworker and then found out she slept with my friend in my own home while I was asleep. We have a beautiful son together. How do you deal with him not loving you anymore, he felt unappreciated, he started heavily texting another married woman for over a month, and you dont have anything in common? We made each other laugh every day, we goofed off an had fun. Drinking ,infidelity and porn being the worst, both on his part. You may have no kids, but you have all the time in the world for yourself. I dont know my wife anymore. And it would show your wife youre trying still. And once you get through this, youre going to feel like a brand new woman. Anyway, good luck & I wish you the best. I have seen these kinds of marriages turn around, but I have also seen many where the damage of trust is too great to overcome. Dont let her make you crazy. After about a week of begging to see my kids she finally agreed. Or when it is convenient. Now after we talked I was able to ask her to allow me time to change We have two children together and she has two other children by two other fathers that are not in their lives. Let's dig a little deeper: The hits keep coming. There's a good chance that they'll start withdrawing from life in general by avoiding friends and family . April 22, 2022, 1:05 am. I have done so much for her. I am caught between being committed to get through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff and being tired of all the conflict and chaos. He has moved out and in the space of a month he had completely cut me from his life. I didnt take money from the family to buy stuff for myself, I didnt spend a bunch of our money on pain pills and lose my job while my wife was five months pregnant, I didnt cheat, I didnt constantly lie about everything. I am loosing my home in a few weeks because im disabled and she was the breadwinner. I guess she is doing just that. That describes my husband exactly and I get sucked into thinking its my fault. By then I was so in shock I was actually dying from not eating. It sounds like she just couldnt take the build up emotionally anymore, but that can be fixable. I have not moved for 2 days I cant stop thinking is she better then me? To date a boss behind ur back smh Thats the lowest a person can go. 1. I invite you to read 'Paul's' story (not his real name). He will probably wake up in a few years and regret this selfish act and damaging decision. I know he broke your heart and betrayed every single romantic connection you ever had together, but that doesnt mean he cant change. Each counselor has said the same thing, he is focused on himself. There are not only 5 reasons a relationship ends is all Im pointing out. Last Thursday in anger I took his remaining clothes to his home only to find another woman there preparing him dinner. Until recently she was a loving stepmother to them. I know you already got involved with child protect services but wonder if maybe if it comes from a teacher or the school system that might help you shine a light on whats going on in their house.I know its heartbreaking to think that your kids are exposed to such horrible parenting. Definitely start working out. So I came clean and told my husband that I was unhappy because of these feelings that I couldn't overcome and I felt like staying in the marriage would be denying him the opportunity to find someone who is 100% devoted to him. Why pretend you want to save our family? Just focus on those kids and how you can better yourself for them and you. And that is accepting that it might be a few years before your husband comes back to you or before you find someone to love you again. I only had him. Please open up and share so others can help you. Know your legal rights ! No, Im not saying that you need to forget all that happened. Try mindfulness to break the circle of thought and let it guide you on. I feel so hurt. I am sitting in my home with four dogs and a cat while she is in another state confused and telling me she is no longer in love with me. Her mum deals mostly with the kids from her side whilst she meets with her new guy spending weekends in hotels having great sex (apparently) whilst I am truly the single parent thinking about her having the great sex. You might feel like youre on an island all by yourself, but thats not true. He wanted what he wanted and he used whatever he could think of justify getting it. *they dont have time for a relationship I get there and she pretends like nothings wrong. at a point i discover she lies always. I think he is waiting to see about this house he is looking at. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. They have always talked and been friends through this whole separation. We met at school and Im not ready for what happened, she just left for our friend. She would tell me that she doesnt love me right now or not coming back right now. She tells me she could make it work with him, just to be back in her girls lives and back in her siblings lives in some way. Would tell them I would rather be at work than at home knowing. There is those who love and care for others so much and are waiting for others like us to come in their lives. Admittedly, infidelity has been a factor over th years with at least 3 incidents in th past with 1 most recent being 6 months into our marriage. Unfortunately for people like us, the answers we seek will never come. Sadly we lost him which was devastating then two weeks later got married (already planned) then quickly found out we had a daughter on the way. I know times have changed and lives have gotten in the way. He is ultimately holding you hostage to his lack of emotional control. We had a good but quiet weekend. As a couple, its a very TOXIC relationship , the best one can do is to GET OUT and have NO CONTACT. I dont think she will ever know how much I loved her and how loyal I was to her. Trust me, I know how hard it can be to stay strong when youre sad and heartbroken. She is a realtor. I explained I couldnt make it and walked away. Theres no right or wrong way to grieve a relationship, but there are ways you can help yourself and find closure. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is the opposite of the traditional divorce which typically comes after years of trying to . Although my son is older, he still has two years of high school left. We looked at the rings on Friday in my favorite shop went in tried on a ring I had seen months before , on the evening we had family and friends over. the first time they ever met face to face was at the airport.love at first sight in her words.the way I found out, I was on my way to work and got a text message. She recently lost her father and she had hatred for her step mom not letting my wife have a relationship with her father. I have cried more over the past eight weeks than during my entire life. We have always had a strong relationship, but I lost my job and she was just about to start college, I got another job with the government and was doing that while she was in school, yes because of this situation we did get behind finiancally . With them for years but I lost everything I had and he didnt even wait at least to help me. Sometimes the warning signs of an unhappy partner are there, but you may not clearly see them. Im sure you guys had a blast but it took you 2 weeks to completely erase and destroy the beautiful thing we had. So, when you believe your husband is having a midlife crisis, most wives find it very hard to do nothing. Think about the parts of Jon that could not be true to Jon because of her. I believe every situation has a grieving process and mine was about a month ..I smoked heavily and released my anger in the gym till my pain went away. But I would rather have my wife then 10 million $. Brutal to walk in and every turn have that in your face, and it wasnt perfect but I came back everyday after work. Darkest days of my life. As soon as she had her degree and job, she didnt need me anymore at least thats how Ive chosen to see it. The self centered traits of the narcissistic parent gets worse and they seem not to care if their mask is off in the end ! Well one month into my overseas job that was just for 18 monthsshe told me she was leaving me after the financing on the new house fell through. I just dont see it. it said she was on her way to England and she was never coming back to United States and that she wanted a divorce.just totally out of the blue, everything was normal all the way up to the day she left.she kept everything a secret and well hidden.I was totally devastated by this. He acts like nothing is wrong, asks me to go hang with them etc. During the summer he became distand and snappy with both myself and the girls, resulting in him going to work and coming . We both came from dust and we shall return to dust. I hate to be blunt, but to me it sounds like she likes the best of both worlds. Do not try to get her back at this time at least. I know the feeling I feel so alone. I kiss a picture of us as a family every night, kiss the wedding rings she left and wish on a star for us as a family. If its being away from me, then I have no choice but to deal with this sadness. By left me I mean that she asked me to leave. stop letting him treat you like a paper plate and let someone treat you like fine china. We slept in separate bedrooms and became room mates and certainly not what I had invisioned a marriage to be at the age of 51. This women has made my life a nightmare. Turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When I first left the security of my nuclear family, my house, and my marriage the world initially seemed so shaky and unstable. I guess I didnt mind it happening it was just the way it did and the lying about it. It made me feel sick. She left and went there dad and sister tree planting mothers. He left his phone in the locker and i walked around for another hour looking for them. Now, she wont even speak to me as apparently Ive never helped her, or understood her sickness in her eyes. When she fills my waking hours and drifts effortlessly through my thoughts a hundred times a day, she is my love, my heart. Part of me thinks shes simply selfish and refuses to work out our problems. cheat ,refuse to except your responabillity dont come crying when the shit hits the fan and nobody wants nothing to do with you .I love my kids still love my wife and will do anything to make their live good I wish her all the best with the new man but fear , a relationship built on lies and deceit is a disaster waiting to happen .Good luck to all who have been cheated on I wish you all the happiness you can find be strong and trust in yourself , trust me nobody but you can make this better so walk with head held high feel proud that you didnt sink to their level best of luck one mightily piss off deserted husband. I can only shiver is sheer horror at what might become should something happen to her parents and they cannot help her mom picks up 1 child and drops off both normally (to/from school). It must be hard especially having little ones. Ive been taking care of household/ kids/ working part time and hes never even picked up kids once after school even if I was sick! She had an affair and i found out about, and I think she cant stand living with the guilt, so by leaving the marriage the guilt goes away. Ive lost my wife, best friend, kids as Im not in a state to see them and daily fatherly contCt. Now 17 months later he leave us. Below are the top five reasons for leaving that I hear about while working with divorcing couples in my therapy practice. If youre feeling like you want to get over this pain and suffering, the last step you have to take is very important. I guess working 2 jobs and taking care of the kids and the house. By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are beyond frustrated that their husband is moping around the house and putting his unhappiness on full display. Its a long story between my ex and I, but basically he just left me one day because I wouldnt give him 20 dollars for gas, because I didnt have it, and I wouldnt let him use my car because I only had enough gas to get back and forth to work and didnt have any more money to put in my tank because I paid the bills, I dont know where his money went. It often boils down to one partner no longer filling a perceived need of the other partner. Oh my God. He is 17 months. She had no ex or children and is at the age where perhaps she thought she was going to be left on the shelf. I understand this. It's pathetic, but true. You will be fine in the long run but make him be financially responsible for you and your son and make sure you can get counseling to help you both. If you underappreciated your partner or neglected to nurture the bond between you, your partner might have broken off like a dead limb on a tree. This can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and feel . It is so hard I know.. but Im living proof that you can and will trust again if you allow yourself to believe. He is back to. Only her family and closest friends knew she was actually dealing with a devastating situation that is all too familiar to . His excuse is he doesnt want the government involved. Worst day of my life just praying she would come to her senses and save our family. You will overcome this! He did, yet he got everything he wanted. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, It is a real shame that my ex wife turned out to be a real filthy low life, since at that time that i was married which i was the very faithful and committed one in the relationship. What happened was, my ex husbands lawyer kept canceling the hearings, four months later they just dropped the case, by then I was so distraught. How do I get thru this pain? three months ago my husband called me to say he wanted my daughter and I to move out so he can move his girlfriend in. Over the Xmas period she started to become distant, but I put it primarily down to the fact that her grandad, who shes very close to, is now in a home with Alzheimers and it would be her first Xmas without him. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. He blames everything on me told his brother that I made his daughter hate him. Young women make sure you know all about a man before you commit because those few less desirable traits you have some doubts about may end up becoming major aspects of his character. I also feel like such a wreck and cant see any woman ever wanting me as I dont like me. From my perspective your husband saying that he is not happy could mean several things: 1. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I know I must choose what to do because living with this internal struggle is making me sick. The same thing happened to me after an argument a few days prior, my husband said it was over. And I cant get past feeling devastated, crying when Im alone after work until I go to bed. Unfortunately these pieces need to meet the reader where he or she is, so there will definitely be different perspectives based on the context of each individuals situation. I am sorry I implied anything else regarding that. First of all i feel sorry for you i know where your coming from.my wife left me after 16 yrs. I have cried for months. I was left an emotional and physical wreck by this man who now controls our young adult children in the same manner and through manipulation, self pity and denouncing me to them, he tries to make them dislike and disrespect me. I am dealing with being invited to his brothers for thanksgiving. I kept with it as I felt so lucky to know someone so unique and incredibly desirable. Oddly she got over it then 2 months later had a breakdown. I havent slept in 3 days and eating is very minimal. Guest blog from 'Paul' - a man whose marriage ended because of his wife's menopause. U keep trying to figure out what happened but he just wont work together andsats he doesnt want me anymore but doesnt say why. That over the life of our marriage, the effects of my early traumas (that were left un-touched and that went unnoticed by even myself) caused the very values that attracted her to me or me to her had changed so much and that she must have been in so much pain herself, that she did what she did to herself, and to me. Ive been there and now Im free from his affairs. Same happen to me when my husband left me but with the great help of great mutaba my husband came back to me. God has the peace you seek. How to make your ex-boyfriend feel bad for hurting you, Why am I starting to think about my ex again? So sad .. Hi Susan how is your leg? It was a change. He has no emotion or seems to even care. Over time the problems of depression were compounded by more and more episodes of red faced spitting rage. Despite this he kept seeing me but would say we have to keep it casual so u can cope. I understand. I hate being alone. I do not work with but I still make sure everyone in well off. She explains its natural to feel guilt, as its the bodys way of making sense of something unfathomable. Can deficits in emotional intelligence explain the negative relationship between abandonment schema and marital quality? I want to be his wife and be with him always and he just left. One of the best things I heard directed at someone else- A christian man or woman shouldnt violate the conscience of their spouse, I hope some day I will be able to give myself fully to someone again, but it will be a while. My partner of 27 years has said hes had enough. Your marriage can't be strong and peaceful if your husband is acting like he doesn't care. I really dont know what to do. I font think Ive ever felt pain like it. Youre going to feel happy and wonderful again. She brings my youngest down in nothing but a soggy wet diaper in freezing winter and my oldest has nothing but shirt shoes and pants. Felt like two people living two separate lives in one home. We did relate and I changed as much as I could to make it work I thought she had too. I am breaking apart because I am getting the divorce process in place but I love my wife. How are you doing? It's the one that causes depressed partners to say they're no longer in love and have never loved their partners. Just worry about yourself. The terms broken home, broken family, failed marriage, broken marriage, are still terms used to describe my situation, all of which I loathe. He left me and 3 weeks after he was already dating a girl. So youre probably right, 19 years from -now 21 for me, we probably will never know. He would always say. b) they get sick c) you are unfortunate enough to owe them money ( or as they think, owe them a life ) what happens to a child or sibling of one as they grow older. He is a best-selling author and shares valuable marriage advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel. Practice letting go. All those things Ive overlooked for years are very obvious now. I have had to completely restart from scratch without anything and I think I would have to suffer this a thousand times again rather than live like that ever again. I was upset and he kept making fun of me and saying that he just follows the kids and that he is not waiting until the princess is happy. Im so tired, cant cry anymore..dont even have enough energy to be angry. As a result I decided to leave it as is and work on me, my kids and try to keep my lovely baby growing inside me as healthy and happy as possible. So that l will never ever go back to him . When my kids are with me im fine but when they leave to go home it takes me at least an hour to get my head straight. Wow!!! He calls this a seperation, but making me take all my things and move away, seems like he is just trying to spare my feelings, not asking for a divorce straight out. ..any ideas? Its been a week and everyday I tell her I love her and she never says it back, the week she wanted the separation I had a sezuire and she was right there beside the hospital bed crying and even when we went home she had trouble sleeping wanting to make sure Im was ok then a couple days later boom she leaves me. Here's expert intel on why you mightve been ghosted plus what to do about it. I try to tell her shes embarrassing herself my kids and me with her behavior but she doesnt care. In October I caught her sending messages to a guy she met at work, a big fight happened and she wants a divorce now, its been almost two months and I still cant believe whats happening, Im 33 shes 27 we have 4 kids together youngest is only 5 months. .. Ill need it but Ill make it xo, I disagree with your statement about personality disorders. You can keep your self-esteem high by working on yourself and becoming more confident. Nothing has meaning. He wants us to sell our home and buy two places. OConnor P, et al. While these may be the reasons someone gives for leaving a relationship, these do not address the real reasons why someone normally leaves a relationship.