God is able! Only it has been 8 years and I am 60. I am fed up and tired and seriously i enjoy my own company and i like living alone which is basically what i am doing anyway except my room mate (hubby) doesnt pay for nothing. Same as your situation, we moved to a totally new city (and country) because of my family situation and my husband hasnt landed on a permanent job for quite a long time and that got him depressed even he didnt admit it at all. #laughsoyoudontcry. I really believe that he does not like his job status but his actions convey a completely different message to me and I just dont know if our relationship will survive what I have witnessed. He worked at the time but I changed jobs as realised we needed a lot more money than we were both bringing in. While hes unemployed he can learn a new skill like mastering Microsoft Office or learn a new language. I have always worked and I come home , cook and clean and listen to his complaints .. Wheres a real woman with a heart for little ole me!? I wish I could be taken care of and supported for once. I saved enough money to last me just over 5 years, and have family help if needed which I dont take. So it appears at least, that the only group who benefited from this..are the MEN. Maybe your partner is a little too good for the jobs they are going for and/or makes the insecure hiring manager feel threatened that your partner may take their job or leap frog over them and become their boss. There is too much fluff and fairy floss around all this stuff, you know, relationships and love. Not enough black and white hard speak from us old battle ships broad sided on deep waters and left listing to limp home. I just break down in tears reading these stories. Long-term unemployment can be a debilitating experience, made worse by the self-loathing that compounds the problem. He plays computer games all day and smokes weed. I think Ill stay with my mom for a few weeks until something changes. Youre situation is different because it isnt your fault that you were injured and you seem to be doing all you possibly can to help yourself. I am beginning to regret marrying him and I dont know how long more I can put up with this.but I guess we dont have a choice but to just march on and hope for the best, (not in a bad way)but I am so happy to know I am not the only one.i feel so alone and so hurt and cry most of the time.when I met him we both were not working but was financially well off till reality hit with having our first child and I got my ass to work.Everyday Monday to Sunday just enough to buy nappies and 4 years into this he lays around at home watching tv and doing nothing.ill come home and he would want neer or when the lights are out he calls me to sort it out.he helps around with our son but honestly I feel like Im sucking into this deep depression having to take and the household.my family doesnt know as many occasions they warned me even his own mother wants me to leave him and Ive considered it so many times.just what will happen to my son as I work even nights to stay afloat at home.who will take care of himreally sad and lonely as I am writing this,his busy sleeping til I have to head to work. You get the picture. my husband refuses to work.he uses health as an excuse,but he was doing this before! Like what kind of men does this? He is even giving up his parental rights because hell never be able to make up for all the back child support. On the other end, maybe the hiring manager liked your partner and wanted to spare them from working in a less than ideal environment for a horrible boss, maybe the hiring manager believed that the job would be beneath your partner (as though that was actually the hiring managers decision.) But I rather him chipping in to pay the bills. I believe he wants to work but Im not convinced hes doing everything he can to get it. He has nowhere to go and after nearly 20 years of having a perfect relationship, Im now off supporting his lazy ass. In fact after reading, I had to go show it to my friend and he ejoyed it as well! This desire to emotionally protect their husbands was expressed by multiple women, including Sandy who would call her husband daily while driving home from work. because I have to work my a** off everyday and take bulls*** to make a living to support us both. The stress is getting to be way too much. My partner has always suffered with mild depression and having lost several jobs due to temper/mood swings, he has been unable to secure proper employment for 4 whole years. So what can you do at this point? Weve cut our expenses to the bone (no cable, no eating out, no-contract phones) and we still come up short. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. He does do the housework and cook but its only the two of us in a one bed flat. If I was married Im guessing Id be an amazing Wife since Im dealing with all this but we arent even married. The former business partner decided to first, move from my brother-in-laws offices and set his own office, and, my brother in law was not invited to join them. At the earliest opportunity after unemployment, you and your better half ought to take a seat together and strategize the pursuit of employment and talk about ways you can take off or possibly limit conflicts that accompany unemployment stress. I hope your situations have gotten better! I left because I was driving 40 miles a day for a part-time job, and found a job closer to home- that also offered better pay. Since weve lived together Ive paid every single one of his cell phone bills, his half of rent or utilities when hes brokeyet he would have money to buy beer or cigarettes. But helping your partner bear the emotional labor load will not only enhance their satisfaction in the relationship, but yours as well.. Its been months since they ended it and i cant help but feel that he is only with me for security reasons n not because im the one he really wanted if gave the choice. Good luck to you. I am the bread-winner and only make about $55K. My Husband Doesn't Help Me Around the House | amotherworld Maybe its because all the property in the apartment is mine and he just doesnt care? All he said was that he had given me so much. Or, find someone else to mooch off of. Still, she is suggesting a Trial Separation whereby I would leave, allow her to live under a stress-free home, and go off and find myself, a job, confidence, etc. Jesus Christ. I can tell a long story of my life with him and everything we been through but it would be a book. I helped him walk through the process of getting a city job (which he has now), and now feeling less guilty over what his family has provided me because I paid him back in effort and energy I decided I didnt want to deal with this the rest of my life. Fortunately, in the meantime, the couple can settle on the positive choices that can, at last, reinforce their relationship. 15 Signs Your Partner Isn't Contributing Their Fair Share To Your Ive already had 2 stress related heart attacks from work harassment and retaliation. Dont do what some of us have done by making excuses and feeling sorry for him, hoping things will change. Instead of giving your spouse a deadline, try saying why it is important. Your spouse may slide back into criticism on this journey to redistribute the emotional labor. tl;dr: Husband is unemployed and doesn't do any housework, possibly has depression he won't seek help for. He was raised in a very traditional household where his mom was a homemaker. I dont know what to do. There a Taiwan famous writer he was put in jail many many years ago for political reason. Take a look at the following short lists of self-care ideas that honor these other parts of who you are. It was a dumb idea and I told him that. He have not held a job down for no longer than 6 months each year. To start with, practice an attitude that regards unemployment as a temporary and manageable circumstance. Avoid criticisms and judgments such as, "You never do any housework! You will most definitely have days when you can handle it and days when youre at your wits end. Like hes my kid and Im trying to raise him. Ive had people complain to me how as a single person they cant make it work on $50-$60K a year! He refuses to see any professional help (he doesn't have the money anyway) and often refuses to acknowledge he has depression whatsoever. And he is very forgetfully. We signed a lease together, he was lovely and sweet at that time, looking back probably because I had asked him to move out of my old place where he was only staying as a guest. Im like, really, is the point of marriage to not starve? He tried running his own mechanic business but didnt work out because his brother is not reliable and skipped town on him and took his tools. I also have to consider some laws that require stepparents to always continue to pay child support, even if you divorce the childs biological parent, which can happen if a stepparent ever voluntarily begins to take care of the stepchilds financial needs. I think my resentments come from all the responsibility on my shoulders, while he can just surf the web during the day and spend time on his photography hobby. I thought I was alone. Of course he was so sorry and mortified over what he had done. I knew i was always the stable one with the good job and he would would work on and off, mostly off. James Adonis is the author of Employee Enragement. Praying were not all just casualties of the recession forever. "He is very sensitive and emotional. I think about important question to ask yourself is: do I see myself with this person for the rest of my life? Some of these posts are a yr or two old so i dont know if anyone will read this. Since then he blew thru $30,000 in his savings, has had infrequent freelance work, has done several projects for free(cause that will lead him to work) and my father financed $6000 for an invention that never took off /sold. I have all the workload and absolutely no down time, when I am not dealing with difficult situations at work, I get to come home and deal with his unreasonableness. I love her but Im so beyond tired of the same old, same old & nothing ever changing or improving for her. Thank you for your comment. in the meanwhile, my hubby was on FMLA, but wasnt well enough to go back to work- this was July 2013. So, now my daughter has scraped through several near miss clinically dead but revived suicide attempts. This article was written by Amy Morin, LCSW, and posted So first of all, do yourself a favor and give yourselfyour mind, body, and soula break. i have tried to leave my husband so many times, i even filed for divorce, but i came back to this situation, to try again, start over with hopes that things will get better. No one will give her a chance to prove that she is worth something and make something of an opportunity. Yes, the longer hours of work is tiring, but it is the pressure of being the sole breadwinner is killing me. Someone just so happens to die or suffer a medical emergency when you have an interview scheduled, the car breaks down, the dog gets sick or any number of other inconvenient and unfortunate events occur resulting in you not making the interview, not getting the job and not being able to change your employment status any time soon.